Why We Keep Arguing With Them In Our Head

And what it’s really trying to tell you about your nervous system and your sense of safety.

You ever notice how you’re still having the conversation long after the person is gone?

You’re in the shower, in the car, lying in bed—still replaying what you wish you said, how they were wrong, how unfair it was.
You keep trying to get the last word, to prove your point, to be understood.
But it never works.
You just keep looping.
Why?

Because your body doesn’t know the conversation is over.

Here’s what’s actually happening:

That argument in your head is your nervous system still trying to resolve something that wasn’t emotionally completed.
It’s your system reaching back into the past, searching for resolution, fairness, clarity, or even just the safety of being seen.

But you’re not arguing with them.
You’re arguing with the feeling that got left behind.
The feeling of being dismissed.
Misunderstood.
Violated.
Powerless.
Invisible.

This is why “just let it go” doesn’t work.

You can’t let it go when it’s still living in your body.
Because your body doesn’t resolve things by thinking—it resolves them by feeling, expressing, and being present with the discomfort that got left behind.

When someone says something that hits a nerve, and you freeze, shut down, or walk away but never process it?
The body holds onto that moment like an open tab.
Your mind keeps circling it, trying to close the loop.

But it can’t.
Because you’re still trying to resolve an emotional wound with mental logic.

What you actually need is presence, not a better comeback.

That loop in your head isn’t asking for revenge.
It’s asking for you—to sit with what it brought up.
To tend to the feeling that no one else did.
To let your nervous system complete the experience, not by winning the argument, but by showing yourself:
“I’m here now. I can handle this feeling. I don’t need to outsource my peace anymore.”

Here’s what to try next time the loop starts:

• Pause and drop into your body.

• Ask: What am I actually feeling right now?

• Instead of trying to rewrite the scene—breathe into the emotion under it.

• Don’t rush to fix it. Just stay.

You don’t need to be right.
You don’t need to win.
You just need to stop leaving yourself every time discomfort shows up.

That’s what The Loyal Self is about.
It’s not about being unbothered—it’s about being with yourself so consistently that your system finally starts to feel safe again.

Because when you can stay with yourself through the intensity—there’s no more argument.

Not in your head.
Not in your heart.
Just space.
Just clarity.
Just peace.

** This post was written by Chatty G, not me. It’s just a placeholder until I write the post myself.